Poison Oak, the asshole of the plant world.

Hate. Despise. Loath. Detest. Abhor.

Find me a better verb because these aren't doing it. 

{*With apologies for editorial license, this post gets helpful on paragraph 3}

This plant pisses me off, offends me. It's existence is all the proof I need that there is no God. 

The Old Testament God Yahweh was too self-obsessed to be inventive enough to plague mankind with as insipid a plant as poison oak. The New Testament God hasn't shown much interest in the human condition and is probably sending our prayers straight to the big-answering-machine-in-the-sky while vacationing with Aphrodite on the lotus flower reef world of Quonk-6 for the next millennia.

  

Buddha says all life is suffering, which certainly applies to poison oak. Buddha is usually right about these things. I frequently wonder what Darwin's explanation for how we ended up with a plant like poison oak would be.  Life finds a way. Life always finds a way to fill a niche. And Life doesn't care if you get a rash. It just doesn't give a shit.

Now that I've stepped on somebody's belief system, lets talk turkey. Poison Oak is a fact of life in our Southern Los Padres (SLP). It inhabits the drainages of our local mountains, sprinkled through the creek beds in a seemingly random way (ever wondered why you see so much poison oak nearer to campgrounds and popular creek areas, but not nearly as much out on the trail?). I have a theory involving coyotes and the god Ah-Puch (Boss of Mintal, or Level 9 of the Mayan underworld.)  In a region full of unpleasant plants, poison oak is the worst (to me). I'd rather get scratched six ways to Sunday than get near the stuff. You may infer from this that I've gone a few rounds with "the oak" and you'd be right. Injected steroids. Oral steroids. Prednisone psychosis syndrome. Benzodiazepines and prescription grade histamine blockers. Antibiotics. Been there probably a couple dozen times. I liken a bad poison oak exposure to an acute case of leprosy garnished with shingles.

The medical term for such an exposure goes like this: 

Contact Dermatitis secondary to Poison Oak Exposure

The patient is, at the least, experiencing a moderate rash at the exposure site. My type of reaction to a big dose of the oak is pretty bad news. I don't suffer from full anaphylaxis, but it's close. Of course I get the rash and bubbly eruptions which weep and can lead to cellulitis (skin infection), but the spread and scope of the reaction surpass what would be considered even a bad case. I get it bad. 

Somewhere out there somebody has a complete list of every suggested remedy for poison oak. There are a million suggestions, it seems. "Try Formula 409! The chemical burn will make it better!". Sure. Oatmeal compresses. Calamine Lotion. Benadryl Gel. Hot showers. Cold showers. Rubbing alcohol. Sunlight. Ice packs to freeze the epidermis (self-inflicted frost bite). Bath Gin. Vinegar. Mugwart. BBQ lighter fluid. Eye of newt. Toe of frog. I've tried 'em all. Here's what seems to work:

• Be immune, or at least un-caucasian
• never go outside your comfortably consumerized urban life zone
• Know thy enemy. Become adept at recognizing poison oak. This plant is deciduous and will undergo changes from large broad leaf green to red and eventually just the vines will be exposed. The vines, in my opinion, are the worst, as they leave long scratches and resultant stripes of the stuff on exposed skin. 
• If exposed, you have 15 minutes to get it off you before the damage is done...
• ...Unless you use a marvelous product called Tecnu (available at most major drug store chains). Follow the directions. Scrub aggressively with this anti-oil soap within the first hour of exposure. This stuff works exceedingly well if used as directed and somehow it also helps clear already exposed areas. I have had a solid exposure greatly reduced in time and discomfort by continuing use well after exposure. I always have a small bottle of Tecnu in my pack. I use it instead of detergent to wash exposed clothing and gear. Also, I keep a spray bottle of Tecnu diluted in a bit of water in my truck. This is a good applicator for large areas or generalized exposures. This is a miracle product. Lacking Tecnu in the instance of a known exposure on the trail, try rubbing finely crushed dirt into the exposure, let the dirt stay on the skin for a while and then rinse it off. The dirt may absorb some of the poison oak oils and limit the degree of the exposure.
• Steroids (Prednisone, Decadron, Solu-Medrol) the sooner the better. Steroids are unpleasant to take, but they are often the only thing that treat patients with a severe allergy to poison oak. Steroids have serious side effects and should be taken as infrequently as possible, and only as directed by a physician.
• Antihistamines (Benadryl, Zyrtec, Hydroxyzine, Pepcid, Zantac) to block the itch (kind of)
• Benzodiazepines (Valium, Ativan, Xanax) so you don't freak out, and for sleep... if that's your thing and you can persuade your doctor to prescribe it. 
• Calamine, the trick is to apply multiple layers to the rash over the course of the day. "Paint" the exposure repeatedly until the calamine becomes a thick, absorbent layer of pink chalk. Contrary to popular belief (and marketing), I have not found Calamine to have any significant benefit in terms of the itch, it does however dry out the lesion which shortens the overall course of exposure. The active ingredient in Calamine has been added to some messy, gooey products such as Benadryl Gel. Gel products are not a good idea for a fully developed and weepy rash. They tend to trap surface bacteria which can increase the likelihood of developing cellulitis. 
• Luke-cold showers with Ivory or castille soap, pat dry. Scalding hot water showers may feel amazing on a developed rash, orgasmic even; that is because your nervous system is being drenched in histamines. That scalding hot water may feel good on the rash, but it spreads the histamine response and with it, the itch. You can also cause serious tissue harm with the hot, hot water, setting yourself up for a skin infection when the rash leaks. 
• Loose, cooling clothing such as hospital scrubs. A dry, cool environment helps.
• Back in the bad old days when I drank I augmented this routine with a weeks' worth of alcohol and Vicodin. It helps, I can't deny it, but as a clean and sober individual I cannot condone staying intoxicated for a week.
• Contrary to popular belief, you can't get poison oak from a person once they have thoroughly and completely washed the contact off. So you can't get it from somebody else's rash. Which is good because that would be gross.

Here's what doesn't work:

• Soaps that say they are good a treating poison oak exposures. They all suck and are a waste of money. Don't be a sucker.
• Supposed solvents such as household cleaners, mineral spirits, acetone, oven cleaner, etc... The potential for self-harm with these products far exceeds their potential benefit.
• Poultices, magic, crystals, and prayer.

So go back up and look at the classical image of poison oak as painted in a "know your backyard plants" book. It shows a brown stem and three big, broad leaves with distinctively bumpy leaf edges. If  poison oak always looked like that it would be a lot easier to avoid, but that wouldn't be any fun then, would it? Right. Didn't think so. Read on friend, it gets worse. 

Developing a NORAD quality radar for poison oak takes the sting of experience, and it takes a good set of eyes because the stuff looks different wherever you turn. That's what I really wanted to talk about when I started writing this, the multiple morphologies of poison oak. In spring the leaves are small, clubbed, and venomously oily. In shady conditions these leaves grow rapidly into a kelly-green, broad leafed plant. These plants in the photo above grew exclusively in full sun and I've noticed that in those conditions the oak tends to stay lower to the ground, have smaller and glossier leaves, and are more venomous than their shaded neighbor. They also lose their leaves more quickly in the fall than poison oak which grows in a shadier environment. The vines, in particular, tend to "sweat" more oil in the full heat of day and, as mentioned earlier, leave nasty stripes on the skin that can be very painful when developed. Whatever you do, do not use poison oak as firewood because inhaling the smoke can lead to hospitalization and, in very bad cases, respiratory failure.

In pictures above you can see that the leaves of poison oak are broader, larger, more full and rounded. They clearly look different than the ones growing in full sunlight. These plants grew in partial to mostly shade. The shaded oak tends to be more viney, creeping up the surrounding plants and hanging from tree branches. It commonly grows in shady places you need to duck through. At face level. It lurks on that shady ledge you just put your hand on. It reaches out from under that fallen tree you ate lunch on. It looks different and acts different from the oak that grows in the sun. Morphology. Multiple shapes. Not cool. Crafty.

Shaded poison oak rusting into an early autumn

As we start rolling into fall the poison oak will fade to a bright red. The leaves will die and fall leaving only the vines. This can be big trouble for people who don't have that poison oak radar. The vines are the worst. They can leave a stripe that spreads like a comets' tail. These "stripes" are often quite painful, not just itchy, but really painful and the skin damage from a real scratch can leave serious scars. If you get poison oak avoid these vines like a zombie with ebola. They're bad news.

In developing that "radar" pay attention in the coming months to the leaves under areas you know from experience to be wooded with poison oak. The fallen leaves of our subject fade from a bright brick red to a sandy beige. As they dry the leaves shrink and become papery, light and crunchy. It's never happened to me but, knowing what an evil plant this is, I wouldn't be surprised if you could get a case of the stuff from laying on long dead poison oak leaves.

Seasonal change in poison oak from green to red.

This poison oak had pretty successfully weaseled into this patch of chaparral, spreading it's vines higher towards more light and fresh meat. 

If you are kind-hearted and empathetic you might deduce that I'm currently amid a poison oak crisis. Fortunately that is not the case (thank you if you had been wondering). No, I just happened to have had a discussion some time ago with Nico about the evident differences in the look of poison oak from one canyon to the next. All these photos were taken on the same day up Matilija Canyon. I would be interested in your observations, feel free to share.

Beware the poison oak that has shed it's leaves. It be hard to espy.